The Warmth of Other Chalices

Our Unitarian Universalist congregations vary widely in character and personality.  Some feel warm and welcoming the minute you walk through the door.  Others feel a little stiff and formal.  A few unfortunate communities almost quiver with the tension of unresolved issues and unconsciously “leak” their anxiety, then wonder why visitors never return.

When someone with an identity that is marginalized in our society (a person of color, someone who is transgender etc.) walks through our doors, how they perceive us has much more to do with our own emotional reactions to that person than do the words that come out of our mouths.

I’m just finishing the book The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America’s Great Migration by Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Isabel Wilkerson.  (I read this after reading Taylor Branch’s compelling trilogy on America in the King Years:  Parting the Waters, Pillar of Fire and At Canaan’s Edge.  These books describe in detail the Civil Rights movement in the South from 1954 to 1968.)

The contrast of the experience of the Jim Crow South to the experience of the African Americans who migrated to the North and California highlights the insidious nature of  institutional racism (and other isms) in our country and the toll that it takes on so many of us.

UUA General Assembly 2009. Photo by Nancy Pierce

We have a core group of congregations whose ministers and lay leaders have been working to recognize, understand and dismantle the ways in which the White Anglo-Saxon Protestant (WASP) DNA manifests in our congregations so that our values of inclusiveness and diversity can become a reality.  It usually starts with ministers who are committed and make themselves accountable to this work. But it for there to be real change in a congregation, a critical mass of lay leaders also needs to commit to the work.   This means more than just taking a workshop or two.  Instead it is a spiritual engagement with the underlying causes and effects of racism in ourselves as well as in our institutions and society.

There are many stories and examples of congregations who have chosen to do the soul work of building anti-racist, anti-oppressive, multi-cultural (ARAOMC) communities.  This doesn’t necessarily translate into a visibly diverse membership. But it does create a community with a warmth toward difference that is worthy of our chalice flame.  (For more on what a multi-cultural UU community looks like, see this article. )

As our demographics in our country shift further and further away from the WASP identity of our Unitarian Universalist forebears, our congregations will also need to shift to remain relevant.  I consider multicultural sensibility to be core competency of every leader and a key aspect of any leadership development program. I hope that you encourage your leaders to take the time to attend the conferences that we offer and to check out the free resources on the UUA website to help your congregation be ready for the next 50 years!

In faith and service,
Rev. Renee Ruchotzke
Regional Leadership Development Consultant
Central East Region of the UUA

Beyond Bricks and Mortar

So, I’m feeling heretical today.  Guess it’s my good UU upbringing.  As I move around our region I listen and converse with many folks who are deeply concerned about the loss of youth and young adults from our movement.  They mourn the “null” group – the young adults who are missing from our Sunday morning worship services, our RE classrooms and our committee structures.  The heretical question is: how can you be so sure they aren’t here?  What does “here” really mean in today’s social media driven, virtually connected world?

I also hear another set of questions – why don’t our youth and young adults want to worship and lead in the same way that we do?  Why aren’t young adults here to take over for those of us who are tired of sustaining a non-sustainable institution?

Focusing on numbers forces us to count those who are present in our bricks and mortar buildings but doesn’t give us the freedom to imagine that the world is filled with young adults who are changing their communities, engaging in meaningful, respectful and healthy relationships, and leading deeply spiritual lives – because of being raised in loving, nurturing and inspiring Unitarian Universalist congregations.

In my perfect world, congregations would wrestle with the question “how can our ministry reach those who choose not to be physically present within our walls on Sunday.” How can we be fully inclusive?  What would multi-generational community look like in your congregation if we imagined that it goes beyond coffee hour, social events and face to face engagement?  How do we build that “religion for our times” that we dream about – one that is vibrant, innovative and nimble?

Blessings on your journey,

Patricia Infante

CERG Faith Development Consultant

Welcome to A New Beginning

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

~ Seneca

As the parent of a soon-to-be college graduate, it is sometimes hard to see the next chapter of my son’s life as a beginning.  I know it is an exciting time and I am fully prepared to celebrate this life milestone with him but I know that when the ceremonies conclude and the parties are over, he may face some deeply felt losses in the coming days and months.

Seneca’s quote reminds me that my son’s new beginning is also the end of so many things: the relatively carefree student life, the close relationship he has shared with his roommate of four years, and the closeness to his younger brother that deepened while they attended the same school over the past two years.  And for his Dad and I, it is the end of another chapter in our life as parents.

So as this happy season unfolds, keep in mind the mixed emotions that are present in the lives of young adults and their families as they transition from the structured and somewhat insulated academic life into the complex world of careers, changing relationships and greater responsibilities.

Research tells us that young adults may not be as inclined to come to a church regularly but they do have spiritual needs and longings.  Many congregations feel a sense of lack and confusion when it comes to serving young adults.  It is true that they may have a different worldview and a different set of expectations about religion than the predominant culture in most UU congregations but we have common values and can serve the world side by side in so many ways.

Our job isn’t to create a spiritual life for them it is simply to welcome them and make room for their gifts and their explorations.  So when they come through your doors, don’t worry about what kind of “young adult ministry” you have or how to do it right.  Offer sincere hospitality and, paraphrasing the words of Theodore Roosevelt, do what you can, with what you have to meet them where they are.

Blessings on your journey,

Pat

Patricia Infante

Faith Development Consultant

Central East Regional Group

pinfante@uua.org

To Be “Bona Fide”

There has been a lot of press lately about Generation Y—often referred to as the Millennials—since they started to come of age around the year 2000. It’s a generation that doesn’t fit the old stereotype of rebellious youth that began with the Baby Boomers; articulated in the movie Rebel without a Cause, or by slogans like “don’t trust anyone over 30.”   The early Generation Xers rebelled against the idealism of the Boomers (my favorite example being a line from a Sex Pistol’s song: “never trust a hippie”).

In his book American Grace, sociologist Robert Putman points out that the Millennials are less likely to have been raised in a particular religion than any previous generation, and they are even less likely to believe that any one religion holds exclusive access to the Truth.  Religious affiliation has been has been dropping off since the mid-1960s, due to religious intermarriage—which tends to negate exclusive truth claims—and cultural shifts on social issues—which make church dogma appear quaint and irrelevant. 

As someone who has one foot in the Boomer generation and another in Generation X, I’ve been watching my children’s generation with astonishment. Although they are the first generation that will probably have a lower standard of living than their parents, they are not nihilistic. Instead, I see a combination of cynicism and conservatism.  They are cynical because they have been immersed in a culture of hyper-consumerism that is more promise than substance.  In other words, traditional advertising doesn’t work on them. They are conservative in that they are less willing to jump into debt or marriage unless they feel confident about the reasons for doing so.  They yearn for authenticity and have little patience for hypocrisy…i.e. when someone says one thing and does another. They certainly don’t want to affiliate with a religion that will embarrass them. They are also firmly post-modern: they don’t buy into the grand, triumphal stories that only serve to reinforce existing power structures.

I find it interesting that bona fide, the Latin phrase for genuine, is directly related to bona fides, the Latin phrase for good faith.  A good faith is a genuine faith. It’s saying who we are, and then being who we are.

I believe this is good news for Unitarian Universalism. The promise of our faith is the promise of a living tradition, not the dry bones of old, irrelevant texts.  The promise of our faith is the promise of personal wholeness; from our identity-based ministries to our anti-racism, anti-oppression and multi-cultural work. And the promise of our faith is the promise of being connected to something greater than ourselves—whether we call it the universe, the Spirit of Life or the interconnected web of all existence.  The best gift we can give each generation is to embody that promise, to invite each new generation to join us, to nurture them as they become a part of our communities and grow in their own faith and commitment, and—most importantly—to step back and allow them to transform our living tradition as generations before have done.

May our good faith be this kind of genuine faith, where the way we act in the world reflects our highest aspirations.

In faith and service,

Rev. Renee Ruchotzke
Regional Leadership Development Consultant
Central East Region of the UUA

We all need one…we all are one

We all need one…no, not a toothbrush or an iphone or a new pair of shoes.  I’m talking about family.  We all have one of one sort or another.  In her 1978 book “Families,” writer Jane Howard said, “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.  Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”  This insight is just as meaningful and provocative today as it was 30 plus years ago.

What is a family?  Merriam-Webster defines family in several different ways: parents and children, two or more people with shared values, commitment, a common dwelling, or common ancestry.   That definition seems a bit simplistic when we count the many ways we experience family in the 21st century: parents, children, siblings, aunts, partners, friends, grandparents, colleagues, work family, church family, extended family, blended family, couples, foster families, family of origin, in-laws, family of human beings (like an “Oscar” acceptance speech, I know I’ve left someone out but you know who you are and, truly, I meant to include you).  Modern families are increasingly multi-racial, multi-ethnic and multi-cultural and there is ample research telling us that our country is undergoing a major demographic shift and the many “multi” dimensions of the 21st century family are on the rise.

While there is no one size fits all definition of family, one thing we are fairly certain of is that we all need one.  There has been extensive research about our biological need for connection.  Scientific evidence confirms that the human need to connect is hardwired into our DNA.  We are driven by something larger to come together in clans and tribes and families and…congregations.

I’ve been studying and reflecting on the meaning of family as I prepare for a religious educator study group looking at ministering to the 21st century family.  As religious educators with a deep calling to the spiritual and moral education of children, we are looking closely at one particular slice of the modern American family pie: families that include children.  But we do so with the clear understanding that everyone in our congregation is part of a family.

So when we talk about “ministering to families” in our faith communities, who are we really talking about and what is the role of our faith community in the life of a 21st century family?  I toss these questions out to you, dear reader and invite you to share your comments about family in the 21st century.  I’ll revisit this topic with you after the study group is completed but for now I leave you to contemplate my questions and these words, attributed to Christopher Reeve, “we are all family, and we all have value.”

Blessings on your journey,

Pat

Patricia Hall Infante

Regional Faith Development Consultant

Central East Regional Group

Love Me, Love My…Country Music?

I can’t help it, I love country music.  Somewhere in my teens, this city girl discovered she loved country and western and I’ve been an adoring fan ever since.  Country music is story-telling music and there’s nothing I love better than a good story about life, love, loss and redemption told through the eyes of everyday people.

Now, it has been my experience that folks are rarely on the fence about country music – either you’re like me and you love it or you dislike it to the point where you can’t stand to listen.  Not too long ago I was with a group of Unitarian Universalist brothers and sisters and I was playing some country songs on my laptop whiled I worked.  Most listened politely but one person felt a need to convert me to “their music.”  Without so much as a listen to what I was sharing, my compadre told me all about the music they love and then proceeded to grace the air waves with it for the rest of the evening.

I love all music from pop to opera to reggae to hip hop to…ok, maybe not so much heavy metal but I don’t hate it.  All music brings beauty to my world, quickens my spirit, and comforts me in dark hours. I was unperturbed by the change in musical genre but I was perturbed that this person seemed to have no interest in giving a listen to something that held so much meaning for me.  I know there is always a dominant culture at play but it had been a long time since I had felt so…dismissed, so…”less than.”

I wondered then, is this how someone might feel in one of our congregations when they reveal themselves as having beliefs that are not within the parameters of the dominant paradigm?  Have we drawn a box big enough to include others or does it exclude those who show themselves to be different?  Are we willing to listen and to learn about one another in compassionate and affirming ways?

I believe that if we are to thrive as a faith community we must not just tolerate but listen and learn from one another.  We must truly value that which makes our fellow travelers whole and brings them some measure of peace in a world that constantly challenges us.

So, love me?  Then give my music a listen and seek to understand what I love about it and how it helps my heart beat in rhythm with the universe.  In the words of Garth Brooks, from his song “We Shall Be Free,”

When we’re free to love anyone we choose,

When this worlds big enough for all different views,

When we’re all free to worship from our own kind of pew,

Then we shall be free,

We shall be free,

We shall be free,

Have a little faith,

Hold out, ‘Cause we shall be free.

Yeah, now that’s country.

Blessings on the journey,

Pat

Patricia Hall Infante, CERG Regional Faith Development Consultant